Today turned out to be such a disappointment. The plan was to swing by a friend’s house then cruise on down to the beach for a day of relaxation. It was what my heart was set on. I knew that there wouldn’t be many more days left as the summer drew to its close and wanted to take advantage of the opening on my calendar.
I should have known that it would turn out like this. A total washout. I was sensing it even last night as my body responded to the change in atmospheric pressure. It started on the soles of my feet. It hurt to put pressure on them. Then both ankles started to ache, then my knees and before I knew it my whole body was a throbbing mass of annoyance.
My husband says that I am better then a barometer, much more accurate. But sometimes you want something so much that you will put your faith in anything or anyone that will support that view point. I listened to the weatherman. I always do that, why do I do that? My husband often suggests that I apply for consulting work at the weather bureau. They could use a little help.
The disappointment doesn’t really rest in the loss of my beach day but the loss of a day. Today promises to be a slow one marked by my hobbling from room to room trying to actually not step on my feet. Since these kinds of flares are often accompanied by increased brain fog and confusion, I imagine I will be forgetting why I even entered a room in the first place and will most likely remember after I left only to repeat the process again. More hobbling.
Sometimes I accept these disruptions as just part of life but other times I find myself asking God, “Why God?” It was just a day at the beach. It isn’t like I wanted an around the world cruise or to join a rocket launch to the moon. “And why the loss of today to boot?” Sometimes I don’t get it. Going to the beach would have brought me such fulfillment. Or would it?
Romans 8:28 is one of the verses that we hear quoted a lot, mostly when something really bad has happened. “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him” We most often use it to encourage our friends and family who have gone through hard things when we can’t figure out why. Sometimes it brings healing, other times it sounds trite. Counseling 101 classes generally tell you not to use this verse all that often unless you enjoy caustic rebuttals that come from a heart ravaged by pain.
While this verse can bring great comfort to those who have lived through this very process and are reminded of His faithfulness, there are some caveats to this promise. Firstly, God doesn’t say that He will work out everything for everyone just those who love Him. This promise is made specifically to God lovers.
But there is another point. Did you notice that I left out a part of that verse? The scripture continues “who have been called according to his purpose.” God has called us to purpose. We are not meant to live life on planet earth without it. It has been deposited in our spirit since the day we were born by God Himself. It is why we are always looking for something to give us that sense of fulfillment and significance. But here’s the clincher, God has not only given you the desire for it, He has determined what it will be.
So what if your purpose is wrapped up in the very thing that God is still working out for good in your life. What if that experience that you are asking God to turn to good is the very event that He intends to use for this goal? What if He is using these things even if they were painful things to fashion you into the purpose that He has specifically tailored for you? While I don’t believe that He caused them, He can turn them around and use them if we let Him. I don’t believe that He would allow it otherwise.
What if the painful experiences in your past are part of the intended end and He is working that out for good? What if the difficult relationships that you have are cultivating your purpose and God is in the process of making it good? What if the pain and limitations of this disease I live with, God is using to nurture the aim He has for me? Could He be using these things to make me more compassionate and merciful? Maybe He is developing some much needed patience with or kindness to those who are less fortunate? Could it be that there are things I could only learn spiritually by going through this season? Would He really do that?
God entrusts us with trials and situations and the key to surviving them spiritually intact is to trust Him with them. He is promising to work things out towards His expected end and I believe that ultimately that is where I will find my fulfillment. I believe that we were all created to have purpose and there isn’t anything worse then feeling like you are living your life without it. While we desperately seek for it, God is working it. He has called us with an intention but it is His intention. We won’t find fulfillment apart from Him.
Yes I thought that today going to the beach would fill my heart with much needed refreshment and yes I didn’t plan on spending the day hobbling around my house struggling with the pain and confusion this disease brings. But for what ever reason God is working it out for good because I love Him and He has a purpose for me. This is the process that is part of that objective and I need to trust Him in it. God is faithful and He will do it!
I pray God may open Your eyes and let you see what hidden treasure he bestows on us in the trials from which the world thinks only to flee.
John of Avila
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